Expectation vs. Reality & How it Impacts Your Life

From a very young age, expectations are placed upon us. Our brains begin to string together thoughts and we begin translating them into words, and eventually sentences. We start learning that in order to survive in this world, communication is key. It becomes apparent very early on that there are things others expect from us. We must brush our teeth, bathe every day, get dressed, eat food and drink water. These are basic survival needs. Once they are met, we are supposed to thrive.

But as we grow older, we begin to realize that there are also expectations that society places on us. As we enter kindergarten, we are taught the basics of becoming a thriving member of society by writing our names, memorizing the alphabet and numerical system, learning how to read and do basic math. We are told where to sit everyday, when we can speak, what we should do when we want to speak, and when we can use the restroom. We are expected to follow these rules. If we don’t, we get in trouble, and are thought of as “bad.” This manifests into our lives as we grow into adulthood. We still sit in assigned seats. We don’t talk out of turn. We ask permission to fulfill our basic needs, whether it’s communicating this to our bosses or our spouses, friends or family. While this can be great for keeping society going, is it stifling us in a way? Is it keeping us from growing into our true potential?

I remember daydreaming about my future as a teenager. What would it look like? I fantasized about the day when I would be an adult. I wanted so badly to do whatever I wanted. I thought by the age of 25, I would be well-established in a high paying career, owning a large home, driving a fancy car, and married with at least two kids.  I thought to myself, that is what everyone else does, right? You graduate high school, you take a ridiculous loan out to go college, get the degree, land the well paying job, pay the mortgage and the car loan and raise a family. That is the All-American dream. I felt comforted by these thoughts, knowing that I had all of this waiting for me. And I thought straying off that path would mean unhappiness, even if I wasn’t sure exactly if it was the path for me.

But how could having goals and staying in line be limiting for you?

While having goals is great, I believe that this model tries to fit us all into the same shapes and the same molds, when we are clearly all not the same. Not everyone is meant to go to college. Not everyone knows what they want to do with their lives at the age of 18. There is this fear planted into our hearts. This pressure. This expectation. The what-if's? What if you choose the wrong career path? What if you end up hating your choice and want to make a change mid-life? This fear manifests itself deep, and before you know it, you can end up feeling depressed and unworthy as time passes.

Can you see why these expectations can be unhealthy? If we don’t get married, have two kids, a labradoodle, drive an SUV and own a two story home in suburbia by the time we are 30, we feel that we are failing, that what we are doing with our lives is worthless, and that our time is running out. We are spending our precious time, yearning for these things we don’t yet have, or the things that might not happen for us because they’re just not meant to be, instead of embracing what life is like in this very moment. At what point do we stop comparing ourselves to others and live the life we are meant to live?

I will admit, I held onto that daydream tightly. I wanted so badly to have a “normal” adulthood. And guess what happened? I didn’t choose to go to college right out of high school. Instead, I ended up working for two years at a warehouse, trying to figure out what I really wanted to study. Eventually, I decided to enroll in college two years later. My major started out in pre-kindergarten education and after a year, it didn’t feel right. It didn’t fit. So, I felt like a failure when I switched my major three times in three years. From pre-k education to creative writing to finally, fine art. I discovered graphic design and web design and I loved it. I graduated, finally feeling fresh and inspired and ready to take on the world. Except, so was everyone else in my field. After looking for a career for two years, I thought that it just wasn’t going to happen for me. I decided to stick with the company I was with, growing into the interior design field instead, and loving it for about eight years. I also ended up moving from an apartment into a large four-bedroom home. When it became obvious that having a family wasn’t necessarily going to be an easy thing, I had to come to some realization that maybe it wasn’t meant to be at that time. It was very difficult, but I decided to embrace what I needed. What I needed was a smaller place to live and to focus inward. I didn't realize it then, but I was derailing from the one-track path society set me up for. And it felt right.

It’s almost as if trying so hard to manifest that idealistic vision of the American dream, that my subconscious was actually rebelling against it. Now, I teach yoga and I am actually doing graphic design. I have few expectations for what the future holds from me. If it is meant to be, it will come to be. All when it is supposed to. That is not to say that I don’t have dreams or goals. I still want to travel the world, teaching yoga. However, I’m letting my soul guide me in these goals, and not some one-size-fits-all model created by somebody else.

Just for fun, here are some random things that are placed on us as expectations in our society that causes stress if we do not accomplish them. Mowing the lawn. Pulling weeds. Getting the car washed. Showing up to work when we don’t feel well. Working overtime. Paying bills on time. Owning a home and affording it. Owning a car and affording it. Working the “ideal” 9-5 job. Staying fit. Balancing a bank account. Making a certain amount of money each year. Making a certain amount of money each month. Showing up for social obligations, even when you don’t feel like it. Saying yes to things you want to say no to. Staying in a job because you “need it”. Having proper health insurance so you can care for yourself. Overcommitment.

Take a moment to think about some of these expectations, just tuning into how it makes you feel when you do them and why or who you are doing them for. Is there something that needs adjusting or balancing? Is there something you are forcing, or no longer want to hold onto or commit to? If you are holding onto old thoughts or patterns that are no longer serving you, take a moment to ask yourself, “What is no longer serving me?” Inhale the good vibes and energy, and exhale, releasing the stale energy and expectations. Then, listen to that inner guidance, that little voice inside your heart. Listen to what it says, to what it wants, and set your dreams there.

Remember, you are the creator of your universe and it all begins with your thoughts. You can do whatever you set your heart to. And if that means you live in a yurt, on the side of a mountain, overlooking a beautiful sunrise every morning while drinking coffee and writing the next best-selling novel, then by all means, do this. Do what your heart craves. Your soul will thank you for it.

Love & light, Jen