Embracing Your Obstacles

Not too long ago, I used to have to get on the highway and go south, into Cincinnati every morning for work. It never failed, every morning, the traffic would be backed up. There would be accidents. There would be delays. Every single morning. During this time, I learned a lot of things about myself and how I react to the circumstances around me, especially the ones out of my control. In fact, I learned that one of my lessons to learn in this life is letting go and surrendering. I've spent many years trying so hard to control situations, my body, my thoughts, my relationships. It obviously never served me well and only created more struggle and anxiety in my life. So, when I began that journey of working in the city, placing myself smack dab in the middle of morning rush hour traffic, I knew that I had some karma to burn.

Patience, my dear, my soul said. You will arrive in your own time, when you are meant to. And when you do, all will be fine.

So, embracing the fact that I would be stuck in rush hour traffic, each morning I would turn on music that fired up my soul. Sometimes it would be Krishna Das and I would chant mantra, singing in Sanskrit. I would seem to just rise above the mess, the anger and frustration of the other drivers around me. I would sing, getting mesmerized in his smooth voice, the Sanskrit words, and allowing myself to just accept the current moment and situation. Other times, I would turn up Shakey Graves and sing at the top of my lungs.

As I sang, I would notice things around me outside of the traffic. Like, wow, how beautiful is that sunrise this morning? Sometimes I would notice things I have never seen before, even though I know I have driven past them millions of times. And other times, I would notice numbers and signs, like the 111 and 333 that I would inevitably see each morning. One time, even a license plate that read BUY GAS, after I had decided to skip the pump in order to not be late. I had to laugh at that one. Who would buy vanity plates that say BUY GAS? Only your spirit guides would. 😉

I left that job after only being there for six months. It was evident that it wasn’t a good match and it wasn’t serving me. The only good thing that came out of it was a new, sweet friend, who also worked there. There’s a reason for every thing and I think one of the reasons I worked there was to cross paths with her, not to mention to take on those path-accelerating challenges I faced there. Like, for example, the strained relationship that I had with my boss. Confronting her about her dishonesty was a challenge for me, and I know that I had to do it in order to grow and learn. Even after she apologized (sort of?), the damage was done. The environment was toxic and I knew that I had learned my lesson and it was time to move on.

So, I asked the universe to guide me into another job, a place I would feel free to be myself. Not too long after,  a friend of mine (whom I worked with before for almost ten years), had a need at her new company for their website to be revamped. I work in a supportive work environment, with a friendly boss who understands my creative process, I get to wear whatever I want, take coloring book breaks, take hour lunches and go eat yummy Indian food, I am getting paid more, parking is free, and if I had a dog, I could bring him into work with me. When I look back at my manifestations list that I wrote awhile back, it is exactly what I asked for.

Now, back to obstacles. Sorry, we took a little detour there!

Just the other day, I was on my way to work. My commute now is MUCH better than it used to be. As I was driving, I’ve got my music on and I’m singing. I come around the corner and get stopped by a train. Since I’m used to hanging out in traffic, this is nothing, and even quite meditative. I start looking at the nature around me – the trees, the birds above me, and even the cargo on the train, where I saw the number 333. After about only three minutes, the train passes and I go about my way. Only a minute later, I get stopped behind a school bus. I’m driving right into the direction of the sun; as it was just starting to rise and the glare was monstrous. I barely saw the child dash out from their home and get onto the bus. At that moment, something inside my mind clicked – be cautious. The song changes and the Ganapati (obstacle removing) chant starts as I start to drive again. It’s super bright and I can barely see the road. I am squinting, I even have my palm up to block the sun’s powerful presence. All of a sudden, a deer runs out ahead of me, across the road. To be honest, I barely even noticed it run across because the sun was so bright. I missed it by mere seconds. I put my hand over my heart in gratitude that I missed it. And then it had me thinking, if it hadn’t been for those obstacles of the train or bus stopping, might I had hit that deer?

Let that sink in.

And then, I had a light bulb moment: maybe our obstacles are placed in front of us on purpose. While they might seem irritating and delaying while you are in the moment, are they being placed there to save you from something that is even greater of an obstacle? Did the train and the bus prepare me to be patient, to be cautious and observant, to be aware of the nature all around me? Maybe, perhaps, our obstacles do not happen to us, but for us?

I can relate this back to so many things. If I had not hurt my back eight years ago, would I not have found yoga? If I had not found yoga, would I have gotten through all that grief, all of that heartache? If I had not had all of that grief, would I not have found my path to inner healing and then sharing that with others? If it had not been for my healing, would I not have been inspired to enroll into yoga teacher training, and teach others how to heal themselves out of pain and into purpose?

Our obstacles, our darknesses become our greatest sources of light. Through those moments of darkness, our deepest, truest, inner self is shown to us. It is there that we see all of the gritty details. All of the muck. All of the fear, the insecurities and the hurt. This inner pain manifests outward into our physical being, into our world around us. It becomes our aches, our pains, and we wear it. It’s the reason our backs hurt, our hips are stiff, and our necks feel like they weigh one hundred pounds. This is where the past resides. You can read it on our faces and see it in our eyes. You can see that darkness, deep down in there, building up walls miles high. Stacking bricks up and around our hearts until you can no longer feel it beating.

All it takes is one spark. One flicker. One little flame. Once ignited, these fears are illuminated and they no longer seem so scary. We see ourselves for who we truly are. We can see past that fear, those insecurities, and the ones who have hurt us. Colors begin to show. A sparkle in our eyes, a twinkle in our smile. We are tired of feeling down. We are tired of feeling heavy. Suddenly, we can see through and above those obstacles. It becomes apparent that goodness cannot exist without the bad. Light cannot exist without darkness. 

So, shit might suck right now. It might be hard. Maybe you’re living on minimum wage and you’re two months behind rent. Maybe you’ve just had a fight with your significant other and you’re contemplating your relationship. Maybe you are stuck in dead-end job and all you want to do is what you love. Or maybe you wasted an hour of your time stuck in rush hour traffic this morning, huffing and puffing at all of the cars around you, who are all just trying to get to the same place you are. Next time you find yourself in one of these situations, instead of freaking out about it, I challenge you take a step back and ask yourself, “what is the lesson here? What do I need to learn?”

Maybe your biggest obstacle will become your greatest blessing in disguise.

Love & light, Jen